Lesser Known Weapons of the War40k Universe
by Pawnofhearts
Summary: Basically the weapons and things you didn't know about. Sorry if I offend with all of my plagarising. My first fanfic... R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

**LESSER KNOWN WEAPONS OF THE**

**SPACE MARINES**

Sorry this is a bit short, but the space marines have limited openings for Hyper-Weapons which go against the codex astartes- with the exception of the angry marines.

**THE EXPLODING DROP POD: **Many Space Marine Chapters have utilised this tactic. Essentially a drop pod which has been filled with ammunition, the exploding drop pod is deadly, exploding on impact with the force of around three nukes. Variants include drop pods filled with xeno corpses which are flung from the drop pod thirty seconds after impact. Suffice to say the effect is less that motivational.

**THE SUPER BOLTGUN: **This weapon was used extensively during the Horus Heresy; it basically a big bolter. However, this bolter is very useful against vehicles. It penetrates the armoured shell and explodes _inside_ the vehicle in question, usually obliterating the crew and passengers.

**THE XENO: **Many extremely angry space marines- usually of the Blood Ravens or successor chapters- become so filled with bloodlust that they will pick up one of the xeno in question and use it as a crude club, this proved very effective during the Taros campaign as the Tau in question was still rapidly firing its rifle at the time; Brother- Captain Angelos of the Avenging Sons chapter is thought to have destroyed at least three squads of tau fire warriors using one of them as a crude club.

**THE POWER CANDLEHOLDER: **Uses of this unusually effective weapon tend to be restricted to sieges where weapons are scarce. The chapters tech-marines generally raid the building for anything that could be used as a weapon and then modify it so it ignores armour. One notable instance was the Angry Marines' use of a 'SACK OF F****** POWER DOORKNOBS TO SMITE THE ENEMY FOR THE F****** EMPEROR!'

**RHINO BOMBS: **Very similar to the Exploding Drop Pod tactic, rhino bombs involve a thunderhawk transporter carrying an empty rhino over massed enemy infantry and then dropping it, often from heights of over three kilometres. Enemy retaliation is, of course impossible- how do you react when the enemy has just dropped a tank on your head?

------------------------Don't read this next one if you like Michael Jackson------------------------

**THE CD PLAYER WITH EXTRA LOUD SPEAKERS: **The CD player with extra loud speakers is arguably the most deadly weapon in any space marine's arsenal. It plays an extremely loud rendition of an ancient singer found on terra; initials M.J; playing it over the battlefield from specially soundproofed thunderhawks causes enemy forces to break and run in terror; many of the weaker races such as orks, elder and slaanesh chaos space marines (who have enhanced hearing) have been known to break out in massive internal haemorrhaging; and in several instances the entire brain of the subject explodes or fries itself in a desperate attempt to get away. It is also effective against vehicles, as it effectively wrecks the machines as their crew either flee or die in horror.

Note: A rendition of a track titled 'Thriller' resulted in several billion victims of the Zombie Plague victims dying, saving the forewarned imperial citizens much hardship and even saving one world from exterminatus.

**ANGRY MARINES BATTLETOAD EXTERMINATUS: **(sorry for the plagiarism) The Angry Marines Chapter invented a 'cheaper for of exterminatus' by simply bombarding the planet in question with battletoads, native to Armageddon. This tactic was even adopted by Marneus Calgar, chapter master of the Ultramarines when he purged the necron threat from Maedrax V after destroying several necron armies with the tau s his allies. He generously allowed the tau to leave before conducting exterminatus.

**DA SUPER ULTRA HYPER PWNAGE WEAPON!!!:** The SUPER ULTRA HYPER PWNAGE WEAPON is basically a very, very, VERY big gun. It fires mass-reactive plasma bolts. It is only used by the most deviant of space marine chapters as it is actually an ork/eldar/tau weapon with SUPA ORKNESS DAKKA and craftworld powersystems and Tau targeting system. The only safe place when the gun is fired is directly behind it, and even then you would be running a risk liable to kill you. When it was first tested, it obliberated 10045305993 orks, 3 companies of guardsmen and thirteen very surprised chaos marines three hundred light years away. Due to the orkness of its systems, even the space wolves shun it as gunners, after prolonged use are liable to start shouting 'GOT THE BASTARD! THAT'LL TEACH HIM TO MESS WID DA ORKS!!!' and are therefore slightly dangerous.


	2. Chapter 2 Orks

**LESSER KNOWN WEAPONS OF…**

**DA ORKS!**

**DA WARTRUKK LAUNCHER: **This weapon fires fully operation wartrukks filled to the brim with angry boyz at the enemy. Only the least imaginative of mekboys would dream of using it as it always fires right on target and does the same amount of damage to the enemy (apocalyptic) every time: who would dream of using such a stoopid gun?

**WAAAAAAAGH!POD™:** Not a weapon as such, the WAAAAAAAGH!POD™ is an orky mp123099 player which continuously WAAAAAGHS! into the subjects ear. Most warbosses receive WAAAAAGH!ING classes using these devices.

**LOOTA STOMPA: **This is a stompa fitted with anything the crew can find in and on the battlefield which can be turned into a weapon. One reported instance included three deathstrike missiles; it misfired them all at the same time, resulting in a wonderful fireworks display for the Faketalian 4th regiment. Known Loota Stompas include the infamous Super Chaos Stompa Orkness Thingy, a stompa with integrated chaos demon weapons; plague cannons and a chaos rhino for a head- it is known to have actually received the favour of Khorne to the point where the stompa was actually mutated surreptitiously to include several titan powerfists and void shields.

**DA 'HOLY THRONE ITS COMING TOWARDS US!' GUN. **The is essentially a massive shokk attack gun which fires entire _squiggoths _at the enemy. This gun is one the most feared ranged weapon in the mekboy's arsenal. As is always with ork weapons utilising warp technology, the 'HOLY THRONE ITS COMING TOWARDS US!' gun is prone to malfunctioning in three ways; the mek is catapulted into the warp instead of the squiggoth; the squiggoth emerges in a totally random position, usually behind ork lines, maddened and enraged, or it will very rarely explode upon exiting from the warp. Notable uses include that of WAAAAGH! Gorecrusha in which a battery of the guns misfired _simultaneously_, teleporting three hundred very angry squiggoths straight into the mega-armour suit of the Warboss and his nob retinue; and during the Madrox IIb war, just one mek with this weapon succeeded in causing three million and four casualties- four eldar and three million orks. Uses in which the gun has been used successfully include the Big Clanka Battle in which three meks managed to decimate half a tomb world's forces between them.

**POWER GROT: **This semi-powerful close combat weapon is nothing but a snotling or gretchin with several power axes tied to it. Uses of this weapon, even by orks, are restricted to the crueller clans because the weapon in question will often start to vomit and so forth, it being so dizzy and vertigoed, thus adding an extra smidgeon of effectiveness.

**A COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF THE WEAPONS WHICH ARE EITHER SELF EXPLANATORY OR I CANNOT BE BOTHERED TO EXPLAIN. **(Comment if you want a chapter to explain)

The Nut Gun

Woot! Woot! Woot!

Grot Tank

Siren Helmet

Coffee-thrower

Inkraffiti spray

Choppy blunt weapons

DA BIG GUN THAT'S SO BIG IT WILL BLOW YOUR FRIGGIN HEAD OFF YA DON'T SHUT UP YOU GROT LOVIN' SON A…A…A…SPHESS MEHREN HUMIE!

Backward Firing rocket launcher

Sideways shootin' gun(for corners)

Da big burny ting

Da great big wirly thing generator

Speed gun

Minigatler

Boxingglove launcher

Deffkannongun

Apookalaptikal weppins.


End file.
